Is Childhood The Foundation For Sexual Addiction? Part III

By Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

 Sexual addiction is not unlike the other addictions individuals suffer from. There are the desires to seek sexual satisfaction at any given opportunity. The obsessiveness and need to act out sexually is the only thing important to the sexual addict. Imagine being six years old and having the desire to act out sexually. At this early of an age two things will happen, masturbation will increase until such time he/she is caught and/or the child will act out then progress to where they have to have sexual contact with another person and so much more.

These behaviors are abnormal in the sense that sexual acting out becomes a way of life and the child does not have the advance skills or knowledge on how to stop the acting out. Simply they do not have the internal desire to stop their behavior. Of course they may believe it is wrong, but they do not have a 12 step program they can go through to assist them in stopping their abnormal behavior.

The child then seeks to find other sexual themes which will provide sexual gratification. Imagine this six year old by the time they are 13 years old. They have seven years of experience and their sexual themes have expanded to the point where it is likely they are viewing illegal pornography on the Internet such as child pornography. This very poor and destructive behavior will lead the child into dealing with other paraphilia’s.

Whatever the child finds themselves into the behavior will begin to affect the way they behave around other children, including schoolmates. They will become sexual predators at such an early age and their attitude and behavior is one of aggression and potentially criminal in nature.

The child begins a number of lies for why they need to be alone and expend hours on the Internet. Imagine your six year old child wanting to expend hours at a time on the Internet. A parent should be cognizant that this is abnormal behavior, but for the most part parents are not engaged with their children and the behavior is cyclical on a daily basis.

The computer for the family needs to be placed in the livingroom where the privacy of the computer use is taken away. A six year old child should not have a computer in his/her room and be left alone for hours at a time. Society has been using video games and computers as the new baby-sitter. These two toys keep the child pre-occupied so the adults can live their lives without interference. So what steps should parents take to assure that their child isn’t spending their entire free time on the Internet?

If parents are going to allow children to use the family computer and they do not have time to monitor their behavior there are several ways parents can prevent children from visiting pornography sites. They are:

1.      Go to tools, Click Internet Options, Click Security, move the level to High level and click apply. Then click Privacy, Click Advanced, click block 3rd party cookies. Block first party cookies. If you’re the one using the computer click on accept first party cookies so you can open sites you trust (Yahoo.com)
2.      Log into your Windows computer as the administrator. Click the Start button then click in the search box and type in parental control. Click on the parental control icon. If you need to create a user account for your child click the create use link, type in a username and click create account. If a user account is already setup click on their account. On the setup screen click to turn on parental control. Click on time limits.
3.      On the calendar, select the times to block. Click ok to save. To restrict games, click games on the setup screen. You can click yes or no to allow games. If you’re allowing games you can click to allow or block games with no ratings. Next, click on the ratings that are allowed for your child. Below the ratings section select what types of content to block, press ok to save.
4.      On the games control screen you can click block or allow specific games. Select the games on your computer to block, then select always block. On the setup screen click allow and block specific programs. On the next screen click to allow all programs or programs you allow. Select the programs from the list to allow. If a specific program is not on the list click browse to locate the program (Connections & Networks).
As demonstrated above there are multiple methods to change the settings on the computer to put in safeguards that will make it difficult for the child to have complete access to the computer. Parents must realize that the parental controls may not work as there are some children who can buzz right through the parental controls into the Twilight Zone.
In America it is estimated that 3% to 6% are sex addicts. I believe this percentage range is low because the research doesn’t include children, those who are afraid to disclose they have sexual problems and etc. Whatever the percentage is there is no doubt that a child being a sex addict is a problem not only for the child but for those who have a relationship with him/her. The demands by the child will be sexual in nature and the child must take responsibility for his/her actions. The parent must instill in the child the need to have boundaries and how to act appropriately towards and around others. Parents must monitor their child’s behavior at all times. Some children are caught masturbating and the problem can be dealt with at that time.
If the child is caught masturbating it is important that parent deal with the situation in a positive and calm manner. If the parent cannot keep their cool, then a professional dealing with sexual issues needs to evaluate just how problematic the child’s behavior is and suggestions on how to stop the behavior.
Tomorrow, I will continue exploring and researching the multiple problems and issues which surround a child becoming a sexual addict. Today the exploration and research demonstrated that the child sexual addict is not a simple and easily identifiable problem. Child sex addicts is a real problem worldwide and there needs to be research to identify how to treat them at the onset of the exposure i.e. child sexual abuse and/or sexual themes.

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