What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part II

Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

Deutsch: Sigmund Freud, Begründer der Psychoan...
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The need to find the right answers to understand that a sexual addict has been a topic of discussion since Aristotle, Socrates and Plato is an interesting find that they had concerns about sexual compulsion during their time. Dozens of century’s later sexual addiction was discussed once again. Then there was this hiatus until Sigmund Freud began dealing with his patients who dealt with anxiety and obsessive sexual thoughts.

Since Freud there were some professionals who worked on the sexual addiction phenomenon, but there was little work being done in the field of sexual addiction. Then in the early 1970’s right at the end of the sex graze sixties, Dr. Patrick Carnes stepped forward after expending many years studying sexual abuse and sexual addiction and eventually writing and publishing a book called, “Out of the Shadows.” This book changed the way other professionals and sexual addicts dealt with sexual addiction.

The last two events which made sexual addiction a house hold name was the sexual relationship between President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky and then years later the Cybersex movement. T
English: Monica Lewinsky, from her government ...
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hese two events made sexual addiction a reality and to those who had not considered sexual addiction being a problem ascertained that a majority of the country suffers from being a sexual addict.

If you are old enough to have lived through these events, then you probably understand the significance of these events and why they had to occur. The mentality that sexual addiction is something that an individual goes through by themselves and generally is not criminal in nature is naïve. The actions of a sexual addict can be as dangerous as a sexual offender. The difference between the two is that society has this belief system that those sexually addicted simply act out i.e. masturbate or have sexual affairs, where sexual offenders touch children for sexual gratification.

Whichever problem you may have either sexual addict or sexual offender the first thing you need to do is receive some assistance in dealing with your problem. It isn’t easy seeking assistance from a therapist or a twelve-step group and then disclose to others about your sex problems.  In fact those of you are a sexual offender and have sexually assaulted children than once you tell someone about the sexual assaults you have been committing; it is likely you will be reported to law enforcement and prosecuted.

There are some sexual offenders who are proud of what they do to children. The last place sexual offenders would seek assistance from is a therapists or a twelve-step group. Then there is the sexual addicts who is simply tired of living this double life and want others to assist them find a way out of the darkness into the light.

Some of you who are sexual addicts will question the comparison of the sexual addict versus the sexual offender. There is a need to distinguish between the two and separate what they do, however, most sexual addicts sexually act out viewing pornography and/or have sexual relationships with other adults, generally not their spouse or partner. Part of their lives may deal with sexual fantasies about children, but for 50% of the sexual addicts they will not sexually act out towards children.

Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal...
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In the world of the sexual addict there is generally a spouse and children involved. The sexual addict lives in two worlds. The domestic world where the addict enjoys the comfort of having a beautiful wife and children. Then there is the cybersex world where the addict expends every moment of their time inside a make believe world. Instead of expending time with their family, they are on their computer surfing all of the pornography website and participating in the sex chat rooms.

As you can easily evaluate the differences between the sexual addict and the sexual offender is simply a fine line which when crossed by the sexual addict can be criminal in nature. The sexual offender who sexually assaults children journeys over to the sexual addict side of the line for many reasons:

1.      The sexual offender wants his family to believe he is a normal husband and father. A man, who goes to work every day, makes a good living, supports his family, goes to church on Sunday, engages in Bible study on Wednesday nights and never ever gives the hint that he is sexually attracted to children. His life is a total sham and in his world he can’t wait to find the next child to sexually assault.
2.      The sexual offender crosses over to the sexual addicts side where his victims are women who suffer from being alone, who want a different sexual partner than their husband or current partner. While he befriends this woman he is looking for access to her young children so he can sexually act out on them.
3.      The sexual offender lives in the sexual addict world as a tool to demonstrate to others that his sexual problem is one of being sexually addicted. Those who know him would never assume he is a sexual offender. In fact, most of the people in his twelve-step group believe he has trouble with pornography and that once in a while he masturbates to it.
4.      The sexual offender where’s a mask because his behavior outside his twelve-step group is his o
utlet to the place he wants to be. When the men talk about their sexual addiction he is the first to cry out for help; for pray, stating he has this uncontrollable need to view pornography. What he is really saying but keeps his comments to himself is I look at child pornography and I can’t tell any of you about it, but I can tell you that I am addict, it is all the same thing and I need your assistance in overcoming this problem.
5.      The sexual offender is sometimes difficult to draw out. He is a man who says one thing, but does another. He is the first to stand up and tell others that if he ever caught someone sexually assaulting his children he would kill the person. When all he can think about is sexually assaulting your child. His actions support being healthy, but behind the closed door he is an unhealthy individual who needs to be incarcerated for life. There is no twelve-step program for the sexual offender. There is no turning back.
6.      The sexual offender is the individual who is caught in a cybersex police trap. His life as he knew it is over and his family will surely turn their back on him. They will feel betrayed. They will feel their life with him was a lie. They will believe everything he has ever told them was nothing but make believe.

The sexual addict and sexual offender have so much in common, but for the most part the men and women who are sexual addicts their world is something where they became involved in and can’t get out of. Sexual offenders at a young age found sexual pleasure in molesting younger children and have continued to do the same every day of their lives.

Tomorrow, as you have seen today there are so many facets of what makes a person a sexual addict and/or a sexual offender. The doors to the past are just beginning to open and over the next month I will expose who the real sexual addict and/or sexual offender are.
Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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