2.02.2012

Who Is This "Predator" Who Sexually Assaults Children? Part VI

English: Sir Winston Churchill.
Image via Wikipedia


By Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

“Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all the others”


You probably know her, or someone like her. She is the wife of a man who was just arrested for sexual assaulting the neighbor child. Emotionally and financially this women is now abandoned to try and maintain her insanity. Life as she once knew it is over. There are no easy answers for her to grasp ahold of and the problems have just begun.

So how could she have missed the clues, that her husband generally an overall great guy was a possible sexual offender? It just isn’t possible she tells her family and friends. All of these years together, they were based on lies, how could I have missed it, she continues. 

This woman is far from alone. Every day there is a knock at someone’s door and the world this man and woman lived in will change forever. The allegations may be false, but generally speaking, the many studies have indicated that 90% of the child sexual abuse allegations are true. There are those rare cases where the alleged sexual offender didn’t commit the crime he is being accused of.

We Sue Sex Offenders
Image by Thomas Hawk via Flickr
According to research some of the wives will expend hours on the Internet looking for answers. Current statistics demonstrate that 75% of sexual offenders are currently married or divorced. According to Healing Wives there are limited to no resources for wives whose husbands are accused of being a sexual offender.

There are no support groups out in the community that provides resources to women whose boyfriend or spouse has been arrested for possibly being a sexual offender. Too often women are left to finding support through friends and families. However, friends and families want nothing to do with being involved in someone being accused of being a sexual offender.

The women is tarnished from the beginning of the allegations until the end, when either her man pleads guilty or is acquitted. It is like she has to choose sides; either she believes the child or she believes her husband didn’t do it. Since she has a history with this man, her loyalty will generally fall to him. She will think long and hard about his interactions with children in general, but more specifically with the alleged victim.

If her man is guilty of the sexual assaults on the child then the legal process will generally be long and the sexual deviance treatment will even be longer. She has to make a decision if she will stand by her man. There will be court hearings, sexual deviance evaluations and many other appointments e.g. meetings with their attorney and private investigator.

If the man is in jail, the strong ties she and her man had may become strained and the longer he remains in jail the more likelihood she will move on, stating there is nothing she can do for him; that he got himself into this mess and he can get himself out of this mess. As stated above sexually assaulting a child is one of the worse possible accusations which are alleged against a man or woman.

Another symptomology which goes with being associated with a possible sexual offender is the woman receives all of the negative feedback from those involved. In fact those who are on the side of the child victim will try to blame the woman stating that she knew all along what he was all about and she should have turned him in.

Some woman will question their abilities to love and respect the right man. They will become depressed and begin questioning who they are. Many questions will be asked by the woman stating that men who are married don’t do these things to children. This statement is because like most of the community they do not understand the personality and characteristics of a sexual offender.

One of the woman’s biggest questions will be sexual in nature. Specifically they will question their ability to sexually please their man. They don’t understand the nature of the sexual offender. They will ask themselves about always being available to their man sexually so why would he seek out a child for sexual gratification? These types of questions can be difficult to answer because there is no easy answer. The man’s sexual preference has always been children and the relationship has always been a cover for his actions.

As a law enforcement official it is difficult to explain the reasons this man turned out the way he did. If the official knows enough about sexual deviance and the type of sexual offender this man is, the information he/she can provide to the woman would be of great assistance to her.

The status of the man in the community will be a factor his woman will question e.g. the man is a pastor, judge, attorney, and so forth. The employment status has nothing to do with the fact that some men enjoy the sexual gratification a child brings to the man. Understanding why a man of great financial status would turn to a child for his sexual needs is the question which has been asked since the beginning of time. If the man is put into a social situation and the topic is children who are sexually assaulted, they may chime in and tell the other participants that men/women who molest children are disgusting and should be punished.

Tomorrow, the above information is rarely discussed in the community where a sexual offender is arrested. Questions which the community may have about the sexual offender and his woman may be confusing and not understandable. The woman is left to understand how in a matter of minutes her world could be turned upside down. Further, she like the community and will have a multitude of questions, especially about her ability to sexually please her man.

In pursuit of determining who these “Predators” are we will come across situations which make no sense. Why men turn their back on their woman to sexually act out with a child will be a mystery for years to come. Until then protect and keep your children safe from those in their environment.



Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA



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