What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part V

Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

The difference between guilty and shame is very clear—in theory. We feel guilty for what we do. We feel shame for what we are.   Lewis B. Smedes, Shame and Grace

The sexual experiences a sexual addict and sexual offender can be classified as having an extreme need for sexual interaction with either a magazine, advertisement, television show, movie, children and so forth. Their need to move from one sexual level to the next will dictate the danger they bring to the community.

Most sexual addicts do not try to engage others in the basic level of the sexual experience as this level is all about secrecy. The addict needs this secrecy to perform their desire to sexually act out. One of my clients the other day in group said to us, “Can you imagine, I have been married for eighteen years and I masturbate at least three times a week and I have never been caught.”

Violences (Photo credit: Erminig Gwenn)
This is the basic sexual addict; they do not want to get caught. Like the addict the sexual offender needs secrecy in order to sexually assault children. Some addicts and offenders need the unrealistic magic wand given to them by God to take away their sexual needs and desires. The problem for the addict is God isn’t handing any magic wands out.

Some sexual addicts place passwords on their computer to stop from sexually acting out. This password is “helpme, get over it” and so forth. A password the addict could use is “freedom”. Freedom from the addiction is for the most part what a sexual addict wants. There is a struggle between receiving freedom and just talking about it.

It is the lack of commitment by the sexual addict and sexual offender which is one of the barriers in stopping the sexual addict and sexual offender getting healthy. It takes work to quit moving up and down through the levels of addiction. One day the addict maybe back at the instructional level, then the next day they find themselves in the videogame level.

There is little difference in the fluctuation of levels of the sexual addict and the sexual offender. Each of their sexual fixations from one degree to the next is too similar and should be a major concern in the community. The sexual offender expends most of his time in the criminal level. These are the more aggressive levels and a place where sexual offenders feel comfortable committing their sexual acts upon children.

If there is an estimated 18-27 million sexual addicts in the United States and a 13-18 billion dollar pornography industry, somewhere in your community are individuals who are sexually out of control when it comes to sexual needs and desires.

According to Be Broken Ministries (2012), “Pornography is progressive in nature. Consumption of porn will always produce a "need" for more...more graphic, more perverse, more violent, etc. It feeds on our appetite to satisfy our flesh at all costs. Ninety percent of inmates on death row confess to heavy consumption of pornography as having played a part in their deviant behaviors. Porn inevitably, if let loose, will lead to illegal and violent behaviors.

The target of the violence can be anyone from a family member, sibling, friend, co-hort, and/or peer. This aspect of the violence can cause the sexual addict to cross the boundary over into the sexual offender area. There has been a multitude of studies which have documented the violence of the sexual offender. The sexual offender uses violence to secure compliance from their victims.

One of the hypothesis could be that at an early age the sexual addict learns at the basic and experimental levels to use verbal and then physical violence to have his victim sexually respond to his requests. There is a minimum research or writings in this area of sexual addiction violence. There has been a significant amount of research performed on rape. Rape is all about violence, control and power.

A common sensical approach to understanding the need for a sexual addict to become violent is having to resort to distress, anxiety, restlessness, or violence if they are unable to engage in the behavior at the times relating to Sexual Rage Disorder (SRD)

Sexual Rage Disorder is sometimes called Intermittent Explosive Disorder. The estimate is that as many as 16 million American adults may have had this disorder in some manner and at some time in their life. Little is known about SRD except it is associated with numerous personality disorders. In performing research on this subject there is little information to explain the psychological and physical process of this disorder.

In considering the two worlds that of a child and adulthood bring about their individual challenges when it comes to the introduction of pornography. I have adults who were introduced to their father’s pornography collection at the age of 5 and become addicted (yes, at the age of 5). Then I have clients who at the age of 30 get married and then are introduced to the sexualized world and become addicted to different types of sexual themes.

The research into why children become sexual addicts is limited. The current research has found that children between the ages of 5-12 when exposed to some type of sexual material, events or themes can become sexualized at that time. Later in life they may be affected by what they saw during their childhood.

I believe the research in this area is naïve and needs additional studies which focus on the progression of the levels of the sexual addiction at the early stages of life. Further, these studies should determine which sexual exposures, themes, toys, tools and addictions occur when a child is exposed to pornography.

Tomorrow, I haven’t targeted the characteristics of the sexual offender, because the series I just finished was specifically on this subject. However, the concern I have is that there is little information about the evolving nature of the sexual addict into the sexual offender. Too often the only information detailed is that the sexual offender was sexual assaulted as a child. If this conclusion is true that what should the community do for those who live in a sexual abusive cyclical world? The answers are not ready available. It takes a commitment to research and ascertain the specific findings which can assist the children of the future not be sexualized and victimized.

Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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