What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part VI

Jurist Edward Coke interpreted Magna Carta to ...
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Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

“Precaution is better than cure.”  ~Edward Coke

The conflict continues to rage between who the sexual addict and sexual offender are. This rage comes from the foundation of the problem in each characteristic and personal traits. The conflict reference who is a sexual addict, sexual offender or both can create confusion amongst the community and law enforcement.  

The desire to act out sexually has no ownership. The question you could ask is if I was to sexually act out one, two, three or more times would I be a sexual addict? If I fantasized twice about a 12 year old female would I be a sexual offender?

So what do professionals in the field of sex know about how woman and men deal with their fantasizes? Author Nancy Friday explains this interesting phenomenon, “Sexual fantasies are maps of desire, mastery, escape and obscuration; they are the navigational paths we invent to steer ourselves between the reefs and shoals of anxiety, guilt and inhibition. They are conjured up when men want to be sexually aroused. Everybody fantasizes, if he or she is sexually alive.”

These incidents of acting out can be the experimental aspect of getting to know their bodies. The human body was created by God to be sexual. However, the boundaries of acting out depends upon when acting out is performed in secrecy or will it cause harm another person.

There should never be a reason, purpose or cause where an individual violently acts out sexually on another human being. If the person is a sexual addict or offender this will never excuse their behavior. Too often the addict or offenders try to explain or excuse their conduct as being an uncontrollable moment where they sexually acted out because of their sexual needs.

This makes no sense as studies have demonstrated that rapists do not rape for sexual reasons, they act out for the power to control another human being. Although the sexual act is the ultimate goal, the rapists still controls another human for the time before and after the rape.

In trying to distinguish between the sexual addict and offender as earlier discussed in earlier articles sometimes drawing the line between these individuals is difficult. Why is it important that as human beings we learn the importance of sexual fantasizes?

Of the two types of sexual individuals the question of which one fantasizes is an intelligent observation. So of these two who expend more time fantasizing about performing the sexual acts? In researching this subject it appears the majority of fantasies are not suppressed desires. The difference between reality and fantasy is where drawing the line for these individuals separates them. Some men have fantasizes about having sex with two women, when in real life they are too weak and afraid to become involved in such a sexual act.

The sexual addict may begin fantasizing about specific objects and persons. These fantasizes can begin with looking at a lingerie ad and then moving to an R-rated movie. At that moment this maybe enough for the sexual addict to deal with their sexual excitement. The range of the sexual addict fantasizes for the most part stem from viewing pornography to pursuing prostitutes. If they commit a crime these crimes are generally limited to voyeurism, exhibitionism, to pursuing prostitutes.

The sexual offender is a different type of individual; his fantasizes dealing specifically with children.  Children who are a specific age and gender. Their fantasies deal with the children they will later target. This fantasize is a continual conundrum of whether to sexually act out or not to. They understand that the nature of their fantasize may create a situation where the child victim discloses the sexual assault and then they are incarcerated for their actions.

If the sexual offender could maintain his sobriety by just fantasizing about sexually abusing children, then this is where they would stay and for the most part society would be safe. Just like the sexual addict who dreams of being a macho sexual stud who can handle multiple women at one time, the sexual offender is no different they fantasize about sexually assaulting children over and over again.

Generally, the addict lives in his world of fantasy and masturbation. Their high comes from neurotransmitters which are endogenous chemicals that transmit signals from a neuron to a target cell across a synapse.

The sexual addict brings to the table ambivalence and anxiety about the fantasy. In the fantasy the addict finds it to be fun, exciting and challenging. He thinks if there were two women here with me right now they would want to have sex with me. In the real world the fantasy turns out to be a flop and no fun. Once the ejaculation has occurred through the process of masturbating, the joy of the fantasy is gone.

The sexual offender is never satisfied. He continually wants to sexually assault children. There are no limits and there are no boundaries. His fantasies are his reality. Unlike the sexual addict who pursues the fantasy by self-medicating himself, the sexual offender needs the human touch of the child.

Tomorrow, the need to perform additional research into the minds of the sexual addict and offender is a must. The numerous obstacles which are presented to the sexual addict and offender make their desire to find the greatest high available trying, but in the end worthwhile. Even though the addict and offender have different sexual needs their approaches are sometimes similar which should make law enforcement concerned as well as the community? In understanding fantasy from reality we were able to determine that there is a need to distinguish between the two and deal with them on an individual basis.

Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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