What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part VIII

Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

The reason why some people have sexual dreams seems to be a physiological relationship between sex and sleep. There have been several studies on this issue, but Sigmund Freud is known for his work in the sexual dream world. Freud argued that all dreams contain sexual content and that dream images often symbolize sex organs. He also claimed that much of dream imagery represents repressed sexual instincts of desires (King, DeCicco and Humphreys, 2009).
Deutsch: Sigmund Freud, Begründer der Psychoan...
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So is there a connection between the sexual dreaming and sexual fantasies? Presently there have been more studies on sexual fantasies than there has on sexual dreams. There have even been fewer studies performed on the connection between the two.

The difference between couple’s reference sexual fantasies has created some confusion. When a woman talks about sexual fantasy she usually means an image or imagined scenario she may have in her head as she makes love. To a woman sexual fantasies is something which is rarely anything she expects or indeed would even want to happen (The Sun, 2012).

Men were observed to report greater daytime sexual fantasizing with more frequent reports of multiple partners, sexual propositions, and sexual thoughts in their dreams. Findings offer partial support for the continuity hypothesis of dreaming (Hall & Nordby, 1972) in relation to human sexuality, at least within the current subsample of young men. It is suggested that many sex dreams may serve as an outlet for sexual fantasies and desires. Limitations and suggestions for future research are discussed (King, DeCicco and Humphreys).

In researching sexual fantasies it appears the more couples desired one another or wanted more intimacy the more they sexually fantasized about one another. These couples tend to suggests that their relationship improved as they sexually fantasized about one another.
Some sexual addicts are pleased with just viewing pornography and masturbating. As one author described this sexual desire as “The sex addict needs more and more of whatever behavior satisfied him in the past. Because this progression occurs over time, it’s not always obvious. Initially, masturbation with fantasy was enough to satiate his sexual appetite. Later, he needs to view pornography while masturbating. This is then that is not enough, and he feels the need to actually meet someone. Suddenly, he realizes he’s cruising at a bar or sex clubs or going online more often than he wants to.”

One of my clients began masturbating after he was married some 20 years ago. Five years ago he found this not be as enjoyable anymore and was sexually stimulating. He then turned to Craig’s List where he found women who wanted the same thing as he wanted which was a secret relationship and sex. After four to five sexual meetings with these women he decided he needed serious help. Being a sexual addict was something he did not want to face, so he decided to go and seek assistance.

His first stop was at home where he told his wife about the secret relationships and the sex he had had with these women. She did the right thing by kicking him out of their home. Then in order to come back to the house and be with his wife and children, he had to get involved in sexual addiction group therapy. Moreover, she made him take a polygraph to ascertain if he was telling the truth.

The polygraph didn’t go so well for him, as he failed to disclose the many additional secret relationships he had had and the many sexual encounters he had had with these women. He remained outside the house until he stayed in sexual addiction group therapy. Total time out of the home was 10 months.

So is this man dangerous to the community. Probably not, however his progressive sexual behavior took a turn in his need to go to the next level which was sexual touching. The addict could have twisted and perverted his needs and begun seeking the sexual attention of a child. Therefore, one day he is a sexual addict, and then the next day he is a sexual offender.

I continually have written that a sexual addict is one step below a sexual offender. Progressively over time the addict can become a sexual predator if the sexual progression continues to become more diversified and needy. What if the sexual addict fantasizes every day about raping someone? What if his sexual arousal peaks when he begins thinking aggressively about sex? Will he act out? Will he turn towards a child to find sexual gratification? These questions just aren’t easily answered or resolved.

Too often, individuals who are sexual offenders were once sexual addicts and still some of the sexual offenders are sexual addicts. The problems surrounding the unknown about how a man and a woman will respond to a sexual opportunity should concern parents who have children.

When I was a law enforcement officer I use to ask parents how well do you know the people you expose to your children? The looks on their faces provided me with the answers I already knew.

Tomorrow, the sexual addict and offender seem to walk down the same road. Maybe the sexual addict doesn’t act out sexually on children, but as we have seen today, they are just a level away. I will continue to research the sexual addict and offender in trying to understand their sexual needs and desires.

Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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