3.08.2012

What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part IX


Lawrence W. Daly, MSc


The many sexual fantasies men have during the day have proven to be what stimulates them which creates the fantasy. Something such as seeing an attractive woman in a grocery store may trigger a sexual fantasy. Further, a woman wearing a bathing suit on a beach may be a trigger. Whatever the trigger is, men do have sexual fantasies.

The sexual fantasy where perversion appears is with the sexual offender. The sexual offender may see a child walking down the street where they find the child sexually attractive and this triggers a sexual fantasy.

The difference between the sexual addict and offender is their fantasies which are worlds apart. Some of the sexual fantasies by an addict may seem normal, in fact healthy. If the sexual fantasy is about the man’s spouse or girlfriend what would be wrong with that? Even including another woman in the sexual act with their spouse would be something which is not that uncommon.

The problem begins when the sexual addict who needs to take the sexual fantasy to a new level. This is where they leave their secret room where they preview pornography on the Internet and then masturbate to achieve the dopamine high. Men and women both enjoy the high they receive from the dopamine which transmits through their body.

In talking to men in my sexual addiction group it is the “counterfeit” which they are troubled by. After a while they begin to substitute the masturbation instead of having a sexual encounter with their spouse. They have learned to achieve the ultimate climax and that is masturbating to an airbrushed photograph they find on the Internet.

The sexual addict doesn’t have to turn to the Internet to see sparsely clothed women. The Sears and J.C. Penney advertisement have woman who are dressed in lingerie. This is enough to sexually stimulate a sexual addict into action.
Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity: The Journal...Image via Wikipedia

In the sexual offender world, the slightly clothed child is everywhere. They aren’t slightly clothed for the sexual offender. Most of the time the child is playing a role on television, modeling, advertisement and has no intent of being sexual for anyone. Most of these children would have no idea that sexual offenders exist and that their role is being utilized by sexual offenders for sexual gratification. What you would consider normal the sexual offender would see as a sexual spark where the desire to seek out a child to sexually touch the child is all they want.

There are those sexual offenders who are sexual addicts. Just like there are sexual offenders who are heterosexual only to camouflage their true intentions. According to momlogic.com (2009), “there is an increase in the number of sexual predators compared to past decades.”

Dr. Charles Sophy, Medical Director for the Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services, states: public awareness of sex offenders has increased…He offers five tips to keeping your children safe.” They are:

1) Know your kids
Always be aware of how your children behave and dress -- make sure it's appropriate. Teach them the difference between "good touch" and "bad touch." 
 
2) Know your neighborhood
Be aware of how many registered sexual offenders are in your area and where they live in relation to you and your kids' school. 
 
3) It takes a village
Work as collaborative team with your neighbors to make sure someone is always watching the kids.
 
4) Have a homebase
Make one house in your neighborhood a "safe house" that kids can go to if there is trouble.  

5) Keep an eye out
Be sure to report all suspicious people to police.
 
There are many individuals and organizations, which understand that sexual addicts and sexual offenders may be a problem in your community.  The sex addict who has moved up to the level of a sexual offender, may decide to take his many fantasies about children to another level and abduct, molest, rape or murder a child. Once a sexual addict he has moved to the being a sexual offender and could be dangerous.

Most sexual addicts are not dangerous, but they live each day in a fantasy world. Dr. Samantha Smithstein, states that sex addiction and sex offending is a growing and dangerous relationship. She continues, Many people committing sex offenses today are otherwise law-abiding citizens who may not have ever crossed the line to commit illegal sexual acts if it weren't so easy and if they couldn't do it from the privacy of their own home, and are truly shocked when they are discovered and/or arrested.

Tomorrow, as you can see the sexual addict and sexual offender are becoming closer and closer to being the same threat to society. As I have described before sexual addicts are one level below sexual offenders. According to Smithstein this is already occurring. The Internet has changed the way the sexual addict and sexual offender view pornography. The next step is the “sexual hologram” which will serve the ultimate sexual purpose for those who have no boundaries.

lwdalyRemember April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. 


Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA



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