What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part XI

Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

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“An intelligent person is never afraid or ashamed to find errors in his understanding of things.”
Bryant H. McGill

The thoughts individuals have sometimes are perverted, distorted and can create situations where the thoughts become intrusive and painful. These thoughts and images can be disturbing to an individual especially those where the thoughts are about harming themselves or others.

The other types of compulsive and obsessive thoughts can become sexual in nature. When this occurs the individual begins to question if he/she is a sexual addict or a sexual offender. The effect of questioning their sexual needs and preferences can cause the individual to question who they are as a person.

The sexual addict and sexual offender constantly attempt to figure out who they are as an individual and the preferences and desires of their sexual needs. They may have several co-morbidities such as problematic hypersexuality, sexual impulsivity, sexual compulsivity, paraphilia and many other sexual issues.

The barometer which the sexual addict and sexual offender use to gauge who they are, reference what and how they are feeling begins from the moment they awake in the morning until they go to bed at night. Some of those feelings may be depressive symptoms or suicidal ideation without any plan or thoughts about hurting themselves.

Further, they may feel anxious, depressed, ashamed, guilt, nauseated, embarrassed and so much more. With these feelings the sexual addict and sexual offender begin to have images flash in their mind, sexual fantasies and young children in sexual positions. The imagery is over powering and makes it difficult to think, being obsessed with the sexual pictures inappropriate sexual fantasies.

Some sexual addicts and sexual offenders look for signs during these emotional and sexual feelings to ascertain if they are being sexually aroused, checking to see if their bodily sensations for evidence of arousal or erection.

The sexual addict reports to the clinician that the sexual fantasies were about two women he wanted to have sex with. One of the women being his wife and the other a friend of his wives. Of course there would be no way this sexual event would ever occur in the real world, because the man is too mild and meek to even suggest such an act to his wife. His ending thought is that maybe someday his wife will be the one to suggest these sexual fantasies.

In the online magazine TresSugar an article called, “My boyfriend wants a threesome with another woman” discusses acting out a man’s sexual fantasy. This is what the women stated in the article, I do NOT want him to have sex with her and I have made this very clear to him. He says he wouldn't do that. But I'm nervous. He really wants to do this. I feel pressured because I'm younger than him as well. I am 20, he is 26. He says that it’s just a threesome and it’s something he just wants to try. He is making it sound like it's not really a big deal, but to me it’s more than just sex. I feel like he might not care about me the way I care about him. We have an amazing sex life, so I can’t understand why he wants to do this so badly.”

Are the thoughts intrusive, obsessive, and compulsive or a passing thought? There are a multitude of books, journals, articles and lectures on this subject. There are no easy answer(s). The many sexual images and ideas come from an astronomical amount of sexual images and ideas which comes about for numerous reasons.

These reasons surround an individual sexual desires and preferences. The media produces much sexual themes, images, suggestions, ideas and questions about a sexually provocative situation. Sexual fantasies come about more from curiosity than anything else.

Once exposed to the sexual situation the sexual addict or sexual offender will physically respond to it. The sexual addict or sexual offender may cross lines and move the sexual fantasy from a fantasy to a crime. The sexual offender more times than not has the mind set of sexually assaulting a child. Their sexual preference doesn’t question whether they are sexually aroused by a child or an adult. Their preferences deal with the gender, age, race and physical build of the child.

The sexual addict is generally different in that their fantasy is about adults, their adult ages, physical build, race and so forth. Addicts generally have no interest in children, but as the addict’s fantasy becomes sophisticated over a period of time, the sexual addict’s boundaries may broaden, causing the addict to include children in their sexual fantasy. The desensitization which may occur over a period of time can push the addict to a new area of sexual desires.

Too often the sexual fantasies become ritualistic, intermittent and sometimes violent. The crossing of non-criminal to criminal behavior can occur when the addict and offender need the aggressiveness in the sexual fantasy to find the sexual gratification they are looking for. Fantasies than become a reality and that are when criminal conduct is investigated by law enforcement.

Finally, the sexual addict will have to deal with the fear that he may be a sexual offender. These thoughts may cause the addict to receive psychiatric treatment or to be placed on prescription medicine to alleviate the obsessive and compulsive sexual thoughts.

Some addicts are severely and obsessively worried that they might suffer from pedophilia, a paraphilic disorder. Sexual addicts suffering from obsessive compulsive disorders (OCD) may have severe ego-dsytonic anxiety (ego-dystonic sexual orientation is an ego-dystonic condition characterized by having a sexual orientation or an attraction that is at odds with one's idealized self-image, causing anxiety and a desire to change one's orientation or become more comfortable with one's sexual orientation), frequently including vivid, morally repugnant images and ideas.

Tomorrow, the complexity of what a sexual addict and offender go through from the moment they awake and go to sleep can be an obsessive and compulsive life of distorted sexual fantasies and emotional feelings. These fantasies and feelings need further perspective and research and this will be the direction I will continue to pursue.

Remember April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. 

   Lawrence W. Daly
   253-852-6702 B/P
   253-852-6704 Fax
   Kent, WA

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