What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part XV

Mark Twain
Cover of Mark Twain
Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

“When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.”
Mark Twain

Sometimes the sexual fantasies you have may not be about your spouse or partner. Is this considered unusual? Is it wrong? Is it your fault? When did you being having your first sexually fantasy There are lists of sexual questions you probably have had to ask yourself over the years. Did you find the answers or are the sexual fantasies still coming and going?

So what is a sexual fantasy? A sexual fantasy are defined as, “any erotic or sexually arousing mental imagery that a person has while awake.” Further it can be an intense long lasting fantasy or just a passing thought.

Sexual fantasies possess several positive attributes. Let us look at some of those positive attributes: There are no questioning during the fantasy; you control who speaks during the fantasy; you get to decide which sexual act is applied to the fantasy; there are no questions or comments about your manhood; there is no one who will embarrass you; and there is no one to criticize your sexual performance.

Still the sexual fantasy is a fantasy and although there is disagreement in the professional community about the integrity of the individual having the fantasy, some people just can’t help themselves.

Many studies have been performed about sexual fantasies. According to Doskoch (1995), men fantasize or think about sex 7.2 times a day, while women tend to do so 4.5 times a day.

In a recent study women reported having sexual fantasies with famous persons (16% men versus 17% women), when this data was rearranged into total amounts of fantasies, it accounted for 16% of male fantasies and 27% of female fantasies. Homosexuality was also fantasized more often by women, 19% of women’s total fantasies, but only 10% of men total fantasies, this according to Kristin Miranca and Alisha Medeiros in their article titled, “The Normality of Sexual Fantasies.”

The theory that children begin sexually fantasizing use to be sometime around puberty just doesn’t hold mustard anymore. It is my hypothesis due to the explosion of the Internet that the sexual fantasies of children have decreased in age. Past studies have suggested that children begin in sporadic sex play with other children at the age of five. Further, that most children don’t understand what they are experiencing sexually, and without such understanding it is uncertain to what extent they may have sexual fantasies or thoughts.

Some research has suggested that it is not the age of the child which determines if the child has sexual fantasies, but the environmental factors. These factors would be such things as nudity in the family, sexual talk, sexual expression, sexual understanding and knowledge, sexual exposure i.e. television and movies; and the Internet.

Socialization can also have a determining factor when a child may begin having sexual fantasies. The socialization process could be the other children the child is exposed such as an older child who has been sexualized and wants to share his/her knowledge with the child. The socialization aspects incorporated with the environmental factors tell us that children are being exposed sexually more than ever before.

The sexual addict and sexual offender began their pursuit to sexually fantasy generally at an early age. The baby-sitter, the older sibling, relative, and so forth are generally where the addiction and offending begins.

Nobody grows up wanting to be a sexual addict or offender. These obsessive and compulsive inappropriate and criminal behaviors are generally learned behavior at an early age. Either the parent or peers are responsible for introducing the addict and offender into the dark world of pornography.

If an individual is exposed to sexual images or themes the road becomes narrow and dark, unless someone steps into their world, identifies what is happening and begins a recovery process for the addict and/or offender.

Sex feels good and if an addict and offender begin being fixated into the dopamine high, the fixation may take over their lives. The strategy in getting out of this cycle of inappropriate sex, the individual may spiral out of control until they either end up in jail or die from placing themselves in dangerous and vulnerable situations which could cost them their lives.

There are no rules for the sexual addict or offender to follow, in fact as long as the sexual acts are consensual, not criminal, and not harmful, the rules may not be necessary. No two addicts and offenders are alike. The unexpected thrills them and this is what they seek in their everyday lives. If they can sexually touch someone then they have a good day. If they can’t sexually touch someone, then the sexual fantasies kick into gear and the cyclical world of masturbating until they reach that dopamine high is a continual force.

Tomorrow, from child to adult, the information continually surprises those who know little about sexual tendencies, desires or needs. The need to explore and understand the danger the sexual addict and offender place themselves into everyday should concern you that you may become a victim of one of these individuals. Be careful and please watch over your child’s environment and socialization scenes.

Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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