What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part XVI

Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

Christian morality prefers remorse to precede lust, and then lust not to follow.”
Karl Kraus

lust (Photo credit: mrtopp)

When sexual addicts and sexual offenders deal with obsessive and compulsive lust, what does this really mean to them? Men and women who deal with lust on a daily basis feel like they are buried in a coffin six feet underground with nowhere to go and no one to save them. This feeling is unimaginable and for those who are boxed in the decision to stop their lustful feelings is basically between them and God at this point.

The decision to sexually act out has consequences which sexual addicts don’t initially understand. Studies have shown that 60% of men who were sexually assaulted during their childhood have turned out to be sexual addicts. The trauma these individuals endured as a youth has a lasting and dark result(s).

Too often the child who was sexually assaulted becomes the next monsters of society, sexually assaulting children as well. Basically, the abuse becomes cyclical. The lust which they need to satisfy their daily sexual fantasies takes control of their lives. The once traumatized child as he grows old becomes the predator of the community searching and hunting for their next victim(s).

Their sexual desires become over powering and they can’t control the urges which they internally believe directs them into becoming what their antecedent predator did to them. So how does lust fit into the scheme of things for sexual addicts and offenders?

In the Christian world there are those who believe if you expend more time in the Bible the feelings of lust can be controlled. This is why Jesus spoke about lust. He wanted others to understand the significance of what lust can do to a specific person. It is my opinion that I don’t believe He was talking about an individual who walks by a beautiful woman and says to himself, “There goes a beautiful lady.” It is the person who goes beyond the immediate observations of the mind.

The individual who can’t stop thinking about the individual who just walked past her is in my opinion is who Jesus was talking about.  Let us quickly review what Jesus stated in Matthew 5:28, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

The key words in this passage are intent and adultery. It is the sexual addict and offender who takes the lust too far and this is what Jesus was talking about. Further, man is basically sexually weak and telling them it is alright to peak but not continually sneak a peek, just won’t make it.

What value is there to knowing if the sexual addict or offender is lusting after someone? First, the perversion which occurs in the mind may turn into a physical criminal act. If the mind establishes a foundation to pursue the lust and the addict can’t control it, then the addict may step over the boundary between mindful and criminal.

In the sexual offender’s thoughts, the foundation is different generally because the offender is lusting after a child sexually and it is his intent to have physical sexual contact with the child. If the offender can seize an opportunity to abduct, molest, rape or murder a child these realms of possibilities may be the offenders desired results.

There are many programs which provide a detailed of how to control your lust. In the book, “Sex is Not the Problem” written by Joshua Harris (2005) he states:

The “contract,” as we had come to call it, was a strict code of conduct, a list of promises that each of us was vowing to follow for the coming year.
We would read our Bibles every day.
Go to church every Sunday.
Memorize a passage of Scripture every week.
Fast every Tuesday.
Share our faith with one person each week.
We would watch any movies.
We wouldn’t kiss a girl.
We wouldn’t drink alcohol.
And we wouldn’t masturbate.

There are other methods to controlling lust. In fact there is a multitude of articles, books, magazines, sermons, lectures and so forth which provide methods and techniques to stop lust thinking. According to Pure Heart they suggest the following:

5. It's a sin. Jesus said to lust after a woman is the SAME THING as having sex with her. Lust and habitual masturbation are inseparable, and therefore it's a sin. It's time for Christians to stop calling sin "harmless fun," or "a bad habit," or any other name that hides what it is. STOP SINNING!
4. Bad habits. Masturbation is about selfishness and speed. Satisfying sex in marriage is about togetherness and stamina. Habitual masturbation will make you a less-desirable sexual partner. Your sin will rob your wife of pleasure! STOP SINNING!
3. Unrealistic expectations. If you masturbate every day, your body gets used to that amount of sexual release. Plus, your fantasy women will look perfect all the time, and they'll do whatever you want, whenever you want. It's easy to imagine that when you get married, you'll be able to have sex whenever and however you want. WRONG! Don't build unrealistic expectations into your mind or your body and it's not fair to your future wife. STOP SINNING!
2. It rules your life. Habitual masturbation quickly becomes your master. When will your next chance be? What can you watch, read or look at online to fuel your lusts? We are called to be Spirit-controlled, not lust-controlled. STOP SINNING!
1. For the children.  My son needs role models who are in the world but not of the world. He needs to know that his libido shouldn't be the driving force in his life. My daughters deserve to marry men who aren't controlled by lust, but who know that loving them involves a lot more than fulfilling selfish sexual fantasies. We in the church must be those role models. We must be raising the next generation to fight this war and not let Satan kick them in the tail. STOP SINNING!

It is important for the sexual addict and offender to find methods and techniques that will work to stop the lust and sexual fantasies in their everyday activities. It isn’t enough to follow the above suggested one, two and three steps to eliminate some of the problems associated with being a sexual addict and offender. It is important that addicts and offenders research on their own and find a connection where sobriety is obtainable. It does no one any good to have the knowledge of how not to lust or act out if they don’t apply what they learn to themselves.

Tomorrow, the many variables which sexual addicts and offenders are forced to deal with on a daily basis can be stressful, painful, hurtful, and so forth. Each day as I write in this series it seems like I learn something new. I hope you feel the same way.


 Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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