What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction That Should Concern You About Your Child’s Safety? Part XVIII

Lawrence W. Daly, MSc


“Do not follow vain desires; for verily he who prospers is preserved from lust, greed and anger.”
Abu Bakr

Are you happy with your sexual relationship with your spouse or partner? An article written by Linda J. Waite and Maggie Gallagher of the book, “The Case for Marriage
Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially” states:
About 40% of married people have sex twice a week, compared to 20-25% of single and cohabitating men and women. Over 40% of married women said their sex life was emotionally and physically satisfying, compared to about 30% of single women. For men, it’s 50% of married men are physically and emotionally contents versus 38% of cohabitating men.
The numbers don’t equal sexual satisfaction. The number of sexual addicts and offenders do relate to one another. Men and women who are not satisfied with the amount of sex they are receiving may turn to other sexual gratifications outlets. These types of outlets are pornography, sexual themes, infidelity, and so forth.

Waite and Gallagher (2001) make some great points when they talk about the differences between married and cohabitating men and women. Further, in their book they state that over 4 million couples living together outside of marriage (not counting gay couples), eight times as many as in 1970. Since their book was written things have changed.

According to USA Today (2011), authors Haya El Nasser and Paul Overberg stated, “Unmarried couples made up 12% of U.S. couples in 2010, a 25% increase in 10 years, according to Census data out Thursday.”

In evaluating these statistics it appears that the quality of relationships between married and cohabitating men and women is the commitment between these two sets. There are many factors that individuals now have to consider if they will be married to their partner or not.

The interests to you as an audience should be how much of being married or single depends on an individual becoming a sexual addict or offender or does it really matter. The numbers of how many sexual addicts there actually are vary from 16 to 28 million individuals depending on which study you review. Therefore, there are going to many individuals who are married who are sexual addicts.

Some sexual addicts have made the statement that they believed getting married would make a difference in their demand for more sex or finding a sexual release.  They believed their sexual needs would be met and the obsessive and compulsive thoughts and needs about sex would change once they were married.

These individuals found out that the ready available sex did nothing to stop their desire for pornography, did nothing to change things. In fact all they did was draw another person into their dark world of sexual desires and perversion.

It would seem common sensical that the spouse or partner would know during their relationship that something was a mist. Many of the men I see weekly were virgins prior to becoming married, but struggled with sexual addiction. The spouse never had any idea that their partner was emotionally and sexually out of control.

Once married or committed the sexual addict begins hiding the addiction. The planning stage is as exciting as the sexual act itself. The guilt which is associated with the viewing of pornography and masturbating to the sexual images is horrendous and while the partner believes everything is alright in the relationship this hidden life is like living a double life.

Even though the sexual addicts conduct is out of control the need for a greater dopamine high begins pushing the addict to other doors for sexual gratification. The sexual addicts become predominately more serious in that instead of just viewing pornography they are stopping at massage parlors on their way home from work and having sexual relationships with the “masseuses.” These types of sexual acts are just like lighting a stick of dynamite. If the stranger is HIV positive, then the likelihood of being contradicted with an STD or HIV is high and a risk not only to the addict, but to their sexual partner.

Still the Russian Rootlet game which sexual addicts and offenders play doesn’t just affect the health of themselves, but others. The obsessive and compulsive thoughts and desires are just too over powering in trying to stop what their mind starts and their sexual gratification ends.

Winkie Pratney in her article on “The Truth about Sexual Sin, Seven Reasons to Save Sex for Marriage provides an inside look into why partners in a marriage need to have a sexual understanding. She states the seven reasons are debt, disease, disappointment, distrust, dilution, dependency, and divorce.

Pratney’s seven reasons make sense and those who are sexual addicts and offenders need to consider what specifically each reason actually represents.

Tomorrow, today’s discussion focused on the sexual addict, marriage and cohabitation. I will focus tomorrow on the need for sexual offenders not to follow in the cyclical nature of the danger being an offender creates. Further, that reconsidering their criminal conduct will minimize the child victims who have to suffer through such violent and traumatic events.

Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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