4.12.2012

What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction Which Make It Difficult For Those Who Love The Sexual Addict? Part IV


FORT LAUDERDALE, FL - FEBRUARY 05:  The Vince ...
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL - FEBRUARY 05: The Vince Lombardi Trophy is seen during the NFC Head Coach Press Conference held at the Greater Ft. Lauderdale/Broward County Convention Center as part of media week for Super Bowl XLIV on February 5, 2010 in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

 Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

“The quality of a man’s life is in direct proportion to his commitment to excellence, regardless of his chosen field of endeavor.”

Vince Lombardi


The confusion by many research scholars is where to begin their nervous journey to understanding just what sexual addiction and dependence are. In an article written by John R. Guigliano (2009) titled “Sexual Addiction: Diagnostic Problems” he provides many definitions and examples of the definition of sexual addiction.

Guigliano like Dr. Patrick Carnes are a multitude of researchers whom have turned their interests towards sexual addiction, understanding it, treating it, and attempting to find a recovery from it.

An old married couple in Kyrgyzstan, 2010.
An old married couple in Kyrgyzstan, 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
We are sexual beings and since at the top of the hat most human beings respond to sexual stimuli, those who are hypersexual have great difficulty in finding ways to control their sexual behavior. The question then is when does sexual behavior become sexual addiction.

The numerous answers to where normal sex begins and sexual addiction ends, is a fine line. Let us assume that as a married couple you have sex two times a week, which according to men I have polled is not realistic, but assuming this is normal and the next couple has sex seven times a week, does this make the second couple sexually addicted?

Everyone seems to be different in what normal sex is. There seems to be a significant gap in what everyone does that it is worth mentioning. Some men believe having sex once every three weeks is normal and just fine. One individual surveyed stated that his wife does not enjoy sex and therefore she and he have sex maybe once every six months.

Whatever the number or the amount of times somebody has sex may define what is normal for them, not for you or another couple. It is when the normalcy is violated by the man who steps outside the relationship and masturbates, pursues other women, pursues prostitutes, has to drive through the bikini barista’s, and so forth creates a problem.

Too often the out of marriage sex themes are difficult for the man to deal with. The obsessive and compulsive thoughts they continue to have about sex creates a scenario where they become consumed by it.

Example of an American grocery store aisle.
Example of an American grocery store aisle. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There are some men who think of sex when they walk into a grocery store and see a beautiful woman. They may find themselves for that moment in time thinking that they could see themselves with that woman in bed. The thought process may last for a few moments and then dissipates as they walk down another aisles. It isn’t that they continue to think about the encounter until they leave the store, it is when the thought of her consumes too much time while in and then out of the store.

If this individual finds that they can’t get their thoughts from thinking of this woman they saw at the store, than maybe they may have a sexual problem. However, if this is something that has occurred twice in their life, maybe the woman he saw was so attractive she was worth noting.

The question for each of you is when the male and female encounter occurs under any circumstances, will the sexual response be of significance or will it be of no significance? All of the encounters depend upon how sensitive you are that day to sexual stimuli and how far are you willing to take the encounter.

So are these physical encounters sexual in nature or are there those who turn your head and for that fleeting moment you think about being young once and how you would have responded to the encounter. Further, are these physical encounters normal or do you have a sexual addiction problem?

In its infancy defining normal versus abnormal sex is difficult because the baseline is so blurred. In the research of Dr. Patrick Carnes he states the following:

Three basic things to consider when you define sexual addiction are:
1.      Do I have a sense that I have lost control over whether or not I engage in my specific out-of-control sexual behavior?
2.      Am I experiencing significant consequences because of my specific out-of-control sexual behavior?
3.      Do I feel like I am constantly thinking about my specific out-of-control sexual behavior, even when I don’t want to?

Individual sexual drives may play a significant role in the many physical encounters you have each day with a man or woman. If you are overly sexualized is this an indication that you are addicted to sex? The answer is maybe. Maybe you can control your sex drive, but the next person can’t.

English:
English: (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The determining factor of normal versus abnormal is in the management of your sexual needs. Physical encounter to being alone and masturbating will determine if you are a normal or 
abnormal individual.

In the two decades that research has been performed on sexual addiction the unknowns are greater than the known. It is going to take some time for the sexual addiction industry to continue the research necessary to understand why sexual addiction exists. Two decades in the exploration of ascertaining why one manages their sexual desires one way and why someone manages it another is simply a very big question mark!

Tomorrow, as the series continues there is this need to find answers where answers have yet to be researched or discovered. The use of the word “manage” will grow to be significant in the sexual addiction industry. How one manages their sexual needs compared to the next person will draw the lines of what is a normal sex drive and what is sexual addiction. Managing your sex will determine if you fit into one of the simplicity two categories, although research has identified a multitude of categories to choose from.


Go To Amazon-Kindle and purchase my new release
“Sexual Addiction: Code of Conduct”.
It is a book which 50 million people have been searching for!!!







Lawrence W. Daly
www.onedaly.com
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
lwdaly@onedaly.com
Kent, WA

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