4.20.2012

What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction Which Make It Difficult For Those Who Love The Sexual Addict? Part VI



 Lawrence W. Daly, MSc
Every act of rebelling expresses a nostalgia for innocence.”
Français : Albert Camus, gagnant de prix Nobel...
Français : Albert Camus, gagnant de prix Nobel, portrait de buste, posé au bureau, faisant face à gauche, avec une cigarette English: Albert Camus, Nobel prize winner, half-length portrait, seated at desk, facing left, smoking cigarette (Photo credit: Wikipedia)




The word “management” has several meanings, but for this article it will be used to define the methods and techniques a confessed sexual addict deals with his sexual addiction. Once the morning begins until the time they return to bed the obsessive and compulsive thoughts take control of the sexual addicts life. There is no management or attempt to manage the sexual thought process for the sexual addict.

Too often the sexual addict allows the sexual images, desires and fantasies to enter their mind and away they go. There is no rhyme or reason for why these thoughts and traits appear or disappear. The sexual addict can behave and remain sober and then there is a trigger, a sexual image, a person, a thought, and so many other things which cause the ball rolling.

It is this author’s opinion that without “management”, strategies and/or design in how to handle these compulsive and obsessive thoughts, then the sexual addict will remain out of control.

Sexual addicts live in a world where they have little to no control of their sexual thoughts. These sexual thoughts can create such a stir for the sexual addict that they succumb to the sexual fantasies they are dealing with.

What if the sexual addict could learn strategies to control these thoughts and sexual fantasies? Combine strategies with “management” and just maybe this will be a formula which the sexual addict can control their sexual thoughts, desires and fantasies.

Maybe if each day the sexual addict were to take the necessary time to manage these sexual traits they would be able to take back control of their lives.

So let us look at some of the ways and strategies the sexual addict can manage these sexual traits. These “management”, design and strategies would be:
·         Devise a method and technique, which would allow the sexual addict to respond immediately to their thoughts.
·         Devise a method and technique, which would understand what the sexual addict knows about their mind, body, spirit and bringing these three together so the sexual addict would stop the compulsive and obsessive thoughts from occurring.
·         Devise a method and technique, which would allow sexual addict to change direction immediately. This method and technique would be valuable to the sexual addict who works from home and expends too much time alone and begins surfing the Internet. Finding ways to management his time would be a way to limit the amount of exposure he has to deal with. Therefore, keeping him away from the computer.
·         Devise a method and technique, which would provide a system of internal rewards for not losing direction and control. Maybe the little rewards would be something like leaving the house or work for a while and drive to Starbucks for a coffee.
·         Devise a method and technique, where he would call a friend, family member, co-worker, client, sexual addiction group member or his sponsor just to talk about how his day is going and how he is managing his sobriety.
·         Devise a method and technique, which provides mind control techniques, which minimize the impact the compulsive and obsessive thoughts are creating. An example of this would be to use breathing exercises, which controls the adrenalin he is feeling at that time. By slowing down the intensity of the dopamine the sexual addict will be able to control the cycle of having the compulsive and obsessive thoughts take control.
·         Devise a method and technique, which will limit places of vulnerability. Managing where he goes or doesn’t go can be of significant advantage to the sexual addict. If the sexual addict can stay away from the beach or malls where plenty of women are at, this will limit some vulnerability. Being on the computer i.e. the Internet when no one else is at home would be managing the amount of time the sexual addict may be exposed to the temptation to getting on the Internet and begin surfing pornographic websites.
·         Devise a method and technique, which manages his daily activities. Managing specifically what he does and does not do may limit the amount of time he is exposed to sexual images, desires and fantasies. This can be a conditioning method and technique, which will prove to be of value to the sexual addict as in conditioning his mind and body to react to specific situations, which will assist him in not sexually acting out.  Too often the sexual addict will not expend the amount of time he manages his daily activities. Instead he will leave his daily routine to take hold of his life and not allow for the reconditioning to occur.
·         Devise a method and technique, where the sexual addict is with someone during specific times of the day. The more times sexual addicts are with someone the less time he is alone. The advantage he has in these types of situations is he places his thoughts on a “holding pattern” which allows the sexual addict to be mentally productive. The compulsive and obsessive thoughts can be tiring and the need to make specific changes so his body can rest is a must.

As you can see devising multiple methods and techniques allows the sexual addict alternatives rather than to have compulsive and obsessive sexual desires fantasies and images. The sexual addict has to find the time to manage all of the possibilities and utilize a multitude of strategies and designs to remain sober.

Tomorrow, the reconditioning of the mind and body to disregard the compulsive and obsessive sexual desires, fantasies and images will take time. Individuals just don’t train for a marathon by running one mile the day before the big race. It takes time to condition and recondition your body to take on this new attitude and strategy which at the beginning will be difficult, but if you manage your time than eventually you will win the race.






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