What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction Which Make It Difficult For Those Who Love The Sexual Addict? Part XII

 Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit." 

Sometimes being a sexual addict is simply a tragedy. The ability to get up in the morning without pain and thoughts which race away and control the day is unbearable to most sexual addicts. The never ending battle can lead to severe mental illness and sometimes suicide.
Life As An Addict
Life As An Addict (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Being a sexual addict sometimes isn’t about the need for sexual images, desires, urges, and fantasies. Sometimes it is about being sexually molested at an early age and then becoming sexualized to the point where instead of being the victim the sexual addict becomes the perpetrator.

This story isn’t anything new in the world of sexual addiction. Most people don’t understand that the breeding ground for sexual addicts begin at a young age, somewhere between five and twelve. Imagine being a five year old boy and being introduced to pornography, masturbation, touching another peer, and then becoming a predator by the time he reaches ten.

The problem is not just with sexual addiction, but with technology addiction. It seems children and young adults are either talking, seeking, or acting out sexually or with some new technological device.

As a parent there are so many steps you can take which will make a difference in your child’s life. They are:

      1.      Make sure the child’s home is free from magazines, movies, television shows, and sex toys. If a child finds one of these items it may be the beginning of a problem you as a parent will not be able to control.
       2.      Make sure emotionally and mentally your child is maturing positively and successfully. There are many psychology children tools you can utilize to measure your child’s ability to deal with stress. Once they enter the educational system, teachers are a great resource for you as a parent to ascertain how your child is doing, educationally, emotionally, culturally, psychologically and physically.
     3.      Make sure you and your partner and/or spouse are on the same page when it comes to keeping the house safe.
     4.      Make sure you and your partner and/or spouse agree that when you have sexual intercourse the door to the bedroom is closed and locked.
     5.      Make sure you and your partner and spouse agree that computer(s) in the home will remain in the room where everyone hangs out. Further, that any access to the Internet is permission only. It is important to get up from where you are sitting and monitor where your child is at in their use of the computer. Most important that there is a time limit each day that your child can be on the computer and Internet.
     6.      Make sure you and your partner and/or spouse have established rules about when your child will have possession of a mobile telephone. The rules of dating have relaxed over the years, but families still have the rule of no dating until the age of 16 years old. This rule and the use of a mobile telephone should be the same. Allowing a child to sit on his/her telephone texting their friends from the time they get up until they go to bed is simply inappropriate. As a parent allowing this behavior is illogical and unreasonable.
     7.      Make sure you and your partner and/or spouse understand the consequences of not monitoring your child’s behavior in reference to the use of the Internet, mobile telephones and other devices which can become addictive.
      8.      Make sure you and your partner and/or spouse are clear that your child will exercise for at least 45 minutes a day. Either working out, walking, running, or a combination of these suggestions. As a parent you should lead the way and commit to working out with them. Lead by example. If your child becomes so sedentary by the time their 12 years old they could be so obese that their health will become a tragedy.
      9.      Make sure you and your partner and/or spouse do sporadic checks to ascertain what your child is up to. If there is to be homework done the child should be doing the homework in the kitchen. Allowing children to retreat to their bedroom for more than a half-hour is the beginning of major problems. Alone time should be respected, but your influence on your child can only come about if the child expends time with you.
    10.  Make sure you and your partner and/or spouse listen to your child about their feelings, thoughts and ideas on friends, dating, exercise, mobile telephones, Internet and computer usage. They should be able to respectfully communicate their feelings to you without being punished. However, don’t lose sight of your responsibilities as a parent. Too many parents allow their children to smoke, drink, talk all day on their mobile telephones, date individuals they know nothing about, spend the night with people they don’t know, and so forth.  
     11.  Take the time to be an active parent. You may have to work long hours or are absent from your home, leaving your child to fend from themselves. If you are consistent and establish rules which must be followed, you may not be present but your child has to abide by all, not some, but all guidelines and rules, which you have established. Don’t be a wishy- washy parent.

It isn’t uncommon to see children under the age of 12 sitting in the passenger seat of a car talking on their mobile telephone. Further, it isn’t unusual to see young adults walking down the street talking and texting on their mobile telephone. As a parent if this is occurring around you, wake up and smell the roses, your child has checked out and you no longer matter.

Society has allowed the newest technology to become the new baby-sitter. Where VHS, DVDs, now Blue-Ray use to be the baby-sitter, it is the Internet and mobile telephone leading the way.

Sexual addiction is a major problem for young adults. The average age of exposure to the Internet is 11 years old.  Oprah.com in January of 2008 in an article titled, “Children and Technology - How Technology Corrupts Children” stated the following:
  • Technology is addictive. Rabbi Shmuley says it pulls children away from their parents and causes the family to fragment.
  • Technology turns kids into boring zombies. Rather than educating and engaging children, technology "snuffs out creativity" and turns them into what Rabbi Shmuley calls "the living dead, who sit open-mouthed, jaws agape, amid mind-numbing, two-dimensional images."
  • Technology leads to laziness and childhood obesity. Children become immobile, sedentary and lethargic around technology when they could be interacting with other kids, exercising and playing outdoors, Rabbi Shmuley says.
  • Technology causes children to stop reading. "They get addicted to the visual and abandon the written word," which is detrimental to their intellectual growth, Rabbi Shmuley says.
  • Technology prevents face-to-face interaction. "[Children] don't know how to verbally communicate," Rabbi Shmuley says. "They hide behind the protection of a monitor and keyboard."
  • Technology separates children from nature. As a result, children are losing the sense of awe, majesty and wonder that only the natural world can inspire, Rabbi Shmuley says.
  • Technology depersonalizes everything. "It creates a reality of always being once-removed," Rabbi Shmuley says. "It is cold and distant. Silicon replaces flesh."
Oprah and I come from different worlds, but we have the same take on what is happening to our young children and adults. Tomorrow, I will discuss how to make your home sexual and technological free. There are enough sexual and technological addicts in this world. We don’t need the next generation to become what others are dealing with now.
Go To Amazon-Kindle and purchase my new release
“Sexual Addiction: Code of Conduct”.
It is a book which 50 million people have been searching for!!!
Remember April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

Lawrence W. Daly
253-852-6702 B/P
253-852-6704 Fax
Kent, WA

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