5.09.2012

What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction Which Make It Difficult For Those Who Love The Sexual Addict? Part XVII

Randall Terry, counter-protesting at the Natio...Randall Terry, counter-protesting at the National Equality March in Washington DC. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 Lawrence W. Daly, MSc
Behaviors are a choice. Feelings are sometimes out of our control. Behavior has to do with choices.”
 Randall Terry
There are those who make choices in life which are confusing to understand. When looking at the decisions that an individual makes you begin questioning why they chose the road they decided to follow. The difference in most cases is they abandoned one project for another, but this abandonment does not have to be a negative aspect of their life.
AbandonmentAbandonment (Photo credit: Rickydavid)
Politicians who are caught up in sexual scandals find it difficult to leave their current political position. However, their abandonment becomes a false reality in that they resign or decide to leave their family in the sake of saving face. This is a common theme amongst individuals who work in the public sector.

A planned abandonment such as a politician leaving his position to further a cause is a remarkable, courageous and impressive decision. Although some people would think that an individual making 20 million dollars a year as a CEO of a major company wouldn’t leave for a less menial job unless something has happened.

Life is about making choices. Some individuals find fulfillment and decide in the middle of their careers to make choices which on the surface do not appear common sensical. The individual however has fulfilled his obligation and has decided to take his career and life choices in a different direction.

A sexual addict is different for the most part as their decision to make changes are what can be viewed as unplanned abandonments. The sexual addict is caught in a world of problems and sometimes financial situations which are not beneficial to him or his family. Once his employer finds that he is suffering from any type of addiction the employer generally offers a way out the door for the addict wit
I Am a Sex AddictI Am a Sex Addict (Photo credit: Wikipedia)hout demonstrating any opinion on the manner. Of course if they hadn’t selected a course of action showing the door to the addict is something that would not occur.

A sexual addict has much to lose and it is in these loses that a sexual addict will either find himself or fall flat on his face.  John Maxwell a leading expert in leadership stated in his book “Failing Forward” that when you fall forward and hit the ground, lay there and learn something from why you landed on your face.

Great advice like John’s is rarely considered by the sexual addict. What does a leadership expert know about sexual addiction a sexual addict once asked his counselor? His counselor answered him with great authority telling the addict a leader intellectually and competently plans his next move. This move is creating a positive and successful result.

The next move for a sexual addict is something which is not a part of the sexual addict’s personality. In their world they are too busy struggling from the need to find sexual images, pleasures and dealing with their fantasies. The sexual fantasies they have in the mind, soul and mind believe that this fantasy will become a reality. Unfortunately, the sexual fantasies are rarely fulfilled as they are a momentary flash within the mind and another replaces it and so forth.

Sexual addicts pursue many avenues to reach sexual release. The need to feel the dopamine injection into their system is something they strive for sometimes multiple times a day, week or month. In the academia world researchers have suggested that an individual isn’t a sexual addict unless they act out more than seven times a week.

This self-professed barometer places too much emphasis on the number of times instead of the foundation for the continual sexual out of control behavior. What if an individual acted out six times? Does this mean they are almost a sexual addict?

The formula isn’t that simple. The problem with the research in the hypersexual world is there is some agreement on some issues and disagreement on other issues. The conflict comes from a lack of research in the multiple areas of sexual addiction. The title sexual addiction is a slang word for hypersexuality, paraphilias, compulsive sexuality, and so forth.

The reason sexual addiction is not in the upcoming DSM-V is because the scientists who make the determination if it is an actual illness can’t reach a consensus on the subject matter. Still the future of research on this subject matter will bring about significant changes which is desperately needed and hopefully will provide answers to the many questions which remain unanswered.

Sexual addicts need to understand that their out of control sexual behavior is not an independent problem where their addiction does not affect those whom they have relationships with. The strength of their relationships with their spouses or partners may make a major difference in their healing. Their actions affect those relationships.

If the relationship with their spouse or partner is significant enough then the sexual addict with the assistance of a counselor, life coach, or consultant may find themselves heading back in the right direction.

Although there is a variance in what sexual addiction is called or is defined as, there are men and women who suffer from out of control sexual behavior. Scientists are trying to make a determination of what is and what isn’t hypersexuality, but until they do, the relationships that a sexual addict is dealing with is paramount to his recovery.

Tomorrow, with several articles left to author, I find that the sexual addict has great difficulty in finding recovery structures which are beneficial. There are the twelve-step programs but they are generally based on leadership who once were sexual addicts. It has yet to be determined if this is a positive or negative approach in healing those who are seeking assistance with their addiction.
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