What Is It About Those Who Have Sexual Addiction Which Make It Difficult For Those Who Love The Sexual Addict? Part XVIII

 Lawrence W. Daly, MSc

Professor Stephen R. CoveyProfessor Stephen R. Covey (Photo credit: Wikipedia)“Effective leadership is putting first things first. Effective management is discipline, carrying it out.”
Stephen Covey

Establishing a “management program” which will assist a sexual addict with his way towards a healing life style may provide alternatives in dealing with the sexual addict’s serious problem. Most researchers and academics have their ideology on how to address the management process. Their process is generally different than a counselor, life coach, or consultant due to their specific roles and interests.

In finding the proper “management program,” the sexual addict must look at the individual processes and what they have to offer. In the hierarchy, the three elements are strategies, designs and paradigms. Each of these sub-divisions play major roles in the direction the sexual addict will deal with in his pursuit to a healthy life.

Strategies are significant in that they provide a step-by-step process where the sexual addict will implement steps into their sexual addiction demands. In understanding how the sexual addict would deal with sexual fantasies, a specific strategy might be to make a telephone call to his spouse or partner and discuss the struggles he is having at that specific moment. The sexual fantasies should dissipate during the telephone conversation.

Another situation may be the sexual addict is on the computer and begins surfing the Internet and pursues pornography websites. His option is to either continue surfing the pornography websites, or to get up walk across the room, and pick up a book which would be significant for the sexual addict to change his behavior.

Whatever the strategy is the results need to be effective, successful and prove to be a diversion which is result-oriented.

The second element of the management program is design. Simply, the word is self-explanatory. A design according to Merriam-Webster Dictionary is:
To create, fashion, execute, or construct according to plan: devise, contrive; to conceive and plan out in the mind; he designed the perfect crime; to have as purposeintend; she designed to excel in her studies; to devise for a specific function or end; a book designed primarily as a college textbook.

A design then can be a construct which assists the sexual addict along with strategies to effectively stop him from sexually acting out. In fact, the three elements must work together in order to be powerful enough to create a change in the sexual addict’s behavior.

The final sub-division under the “management program” is a paradigm. Many counselors, life coaches, and consultants do not understand the value of a paradigm when dealing with a sexual addict whose sexual behavior is out of control. If a sexual addict applies strategies and designs which are found to be effective then the counselor, life coach, and consultant can create a paradigm which the sexual addict can utilize in a time of weakness.

A paradigm, which Merriam-Webster Dictionary states is:
Example, pattern; especially, an outstandingly clear or typical example or archetype; and example of a conjugation or declension showing a word in all its inflectional forms; a philosophical and theoretical framework of a scientific school or discipline within which theories, laws, and generalizations and the experiments performed in support of them are formulated; broadly, a philosophical or theoretical framework of any kind.

Instituting a paradigm creates alternatives which the sexual addict can turn to when his sexual urges, desires, needs, images, and fantasies begin taking control of his mind, soul, and body.  These alternatives are generated from the newly learned strategies and designs.

Too many counselors, life coaches, and consultants fail to recognize that when an individual acts out, the sexual addict’s behavior is the main issue. Behavioral modification has been around for centuries and instituting behavioral changes is the first step which should be implemented in the sexual addict’s out of control sexual behavior to make a change.

Behavioral modification is commonly utilized in inpatient treatment center where the sexual addict is privately institutionalized for a specific amount of time i.e. three to six months until it is determined if the sexual addict’s behavior has been changed.

This type of behavioral modification can cost anywhere from $8,000.00 to $50,000.00 per month. Some insurance companies may pay for such treatment. As long as the purpose of the inpatient treatment is for some type of “addiction” (i.e. substance addiction is seen as a valid reason to receive such treatment) the insurance companies attempt to assist the insurer by providing financial support for the treatment.

Behavioral modification is an approach the sexual addict can come to rely on. A sexual addict should not decide which “management program” they will utilize as some of the strategies, designs, and/or paradigms may have a reversal effect to the sexual out of control behavior. The aspects of the self-selected program may create an opposite affect instead of stopping or curtailing the out of control sexual behavior the addict may increase the behavior they are trying to stop. The sexual addict needs to seek professional assistance and then have the “management program” assessed and managed.

The more confidence the sexual addict believes his “management program” has, the faster the recovery can begin. If the sexual addict doesn’t attach himself to a 12-step program or seek counseling, life coaching, and/or consulting to begin a “management program,” then the sexual addiction will continue to take hold of their lives.

Tomorrow, everyday there are new ideologies and programs which are leading sexual addicts to finding a way from curtailing or stopping their sexual out of control behavior. Too often the sexual addict will attempt to resolve their problem by reading a book or listening to an audiotape believing this is the answer to finding the healthy lifestyle they once knew. If it was that easy there wouldn’t be 50 million sexual addicts currently in existentance in the United States.
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